Disclaimer: Mild language. Also, I do not commit larceny in any way.
It's 11:00 am and I'm still in my pajamas sitting on the couch with my journal and a Bible. I pray to thank God for His blessings, answered and unanswered prayers, to open my mind and heart for where He was leading me with my two biggest dreams, motherhood and having a successful business.
Then I sat in the quiet and listened. He started playing "Stairway to Heaven" on an electric guitar.
No, I'm kidding.
He told me to open my Bible and it flopped open to Leviticus. I silently sighed and thought, "There's no way my message will be in this book. Maybe I should turn to another page."
Leviticus is one of those books I have avoided since being baptized because of the people that use it to justify their hatred. Pushing through the urge to turn the page, I started reading in The Message edition of the Bible. Something that spoke to me said that we insist on reducing and taming God. We try to tie Him up like a workhorse to our buggy of dreams so we can guide Him to what we want.
*raises hand* Uhh, that's totally me.
It plays out like this in my head…
I empty my pockets out on God's workbench, He picks up a burden up and walks to a wall of tools. As He's standing with His back to me, I quietly start stuffing my crap back into my pockets because He's not doing it when I want or fast enough.
After realizing what I've done, I drag it all back to Him, lay it at His feet and apologize for being so impatient and mistrusting. I have to apologize for being a thief, too. It's a continuous cycle for me, I like being in control and knowing what's going to happen and being prepared.
Anyway, I read on. Paul says in Romans 12:1-2 we are to offer our bodies to God in sacrifice, be transformed by the renewing of our mind; to enthusiastically accept what God does for us is the best thing we can do for Him.
*sigh* That's so hard.
The telephone rings for the third time this morning and I don't answer it because I think it's a robo call. Turns out it's not.
There's a voicemail and it's the manager from our fostercare organization. She has a couple more questions about Adam's background. I call her back and answer them the best that I can and she then tells me, we have been approved and should receive our certificate in the mail the coming week.
We're finally approved to foster kids!
After hanging up the phone, I sit in silence a little while. I feel jittery, nervous, like I'm anticipating something, waiting for something to happen. Have I had too much caffeine? Going back to my journal I write whatever comes to mind.
Thinking about an upcoming trip, tired and want to go back to sleep. Worried I'm getting a sinus infection. Am I nervous about being a foster parent now that we're finally approved? Knowing the call could come anytime now. Like, I know it's going to happen but when? I know change is coming, am I ready? Have I prepared enough?
Holy shit, it's real now.
The wait is over. Well, the first part of waiting. The waiting to hear back about CPS background checks, DMV checks, homestudy appointments, for cabinet locks to arrive in the mail, for approval. Now, we wait for the call.
In this moment, we have prepped all we can. Of course, we can read books on parenting and fostering, dust and vacuum their bedroom, safety check the house again but we are as ready as we can get. How can I feel some peace as I wait?
Psalm 84 tells about living in God's house, where sparrows can raise their young. How blessed we are because God dwells inside us, whose lives become roads God travels, the good times of cool springs and pools to the mountains and valleys. At the last turn to the top of the mountain, there is Zion, the church of God, the Heavenly city.
We've reached the top of one of our many mountains and God is there. One of the burdens I kept trying to steal back and micromanage the crap out of He has fixed. We've reached the summit of this mountain.
See the glory of God here. Feeeeeeel it.
We worship and praise Him for traveling this road with us, for us, for laying down the path. I am at peace because God is pretty, darn handy when I let Him do His work.